This week I'm talking to the wife of a commercial airline pilot to dispel some of the myths about the pilot life. What's the deal on flying free? How has COVID-19 changed the daily routine of the air industry from the inside view? What is the routine life like? And of course, are the rumors about pilot shenanigans true?
This week I'm talking to the wife of a commercial airline pilot to dispel some of the myths about the pilot life. What's the deal on flying free? How has COVID-19 changed the daily routine of the air industry from the inside view? What is the routine life like? And of course, are the rumors about pilot shenanigans true?
spk_0: 0:03
I welcome to conversations on the rocks, the show where my guest determines the topic. I am Kristen Doh Cus, your host. And this week, we're chatting with the wife of an airline pilot and the many, many misconceptions that people have about what that life looks like. So grab your favorite cocktail or beverage and let's get started. Hi, this is Kristen, and you're listening to conversations on the rocks, the podcast that lets our guest lead the discussion today. I've got my good friend Stacy on, and Stacy and I are going to talk about what it's really like to be the wife of an airline pilot. Hi, Stacy. Hi, Kristin. How are you? I'm as good as anybody can be these days, right? Yeah. I'm gonna try not to have too many of these episodes to focus on the virus. Actually, they're not going to be focused on it at all, But considering that is the overwhelming existence of all of our lives, I'm sure that's the common denominator, right? Sadly, who knew that a virus would be the glue that binds us all together? So we're gonna talk today. You are the wife of a pilot ends. How long have you been the wife of a pilot? That almost sounds like a Jimmy Buffett song. Doesn't. Well, you didn't
spk_1: 1:20
know. As a matter of fact, I think Jimmy is, um, yet light as it. I call him Jimmy. Like I know him.
spk_0: 1:25
I think you know there isn't a pirate. I think he has a private
spk_1: 1:28
pilot. No license. But anyway,
spk_0: 1:31
what's the song? Son of a pirate. So this is kind of the same thing. It's wife of a pilot. Yeah, our son of a sailor. But, yes, some of us a love. Yeah.
spk_1: 1:41
Yeah, Show. As a matter of fact, I will be a pilot's wife for 21 years on April 24th. So 21 years,
spk_0: 1:52
what's changed from the like? Back in the you know how? How did you know the two of you embark into this? How was it at the very beginning? Because our world was very different. Obviously.
spk_1: 2:02
21 years, it was very different. So when I when we first met, he was actually he was not with what they called mainline airlines. The big name airlines that you know today he was flying charters to the Bahamas. So we sort of live that We were little people in a big pond and we knew lots of people with money. So we got Toe Island top a little bit back in the day, and so that was kind of fun. But we knew that we couldn't live on that salary forever because it's not that much. And of course, it was my husband's dream to be with an airline. So we started out. He I got on with a commuter. It's called. It's called a Commuter. It's when you fly the smaller airplanes when you're going from short hops those air. Actually, he was with a wholly owned subsidiary of a larger airline for about five years or so, and that was it was good we didn't have kids and he moved up. Everything in the airlines is done by seniority, so he moved up pretty quick and seniority. So he ended up getting pretty decent schedules. He moved into the captain seat after a couple of years, and so and so life was good. And then, um, 9 11 hit house up. That was that was hard. I was pregnant with our first child, and, um we went from being able to take advantage of the free flying, which is a lot of I don't know if a lot of people know this or not. It's called non revving. You don't have to pay for a seat, but it's space available. If their space for you on the plane you can fly, it's not. You have to wait for the next light. So we went from being able to, you know, go visit family in Texas, do some touring around the US just cause that's what our schedules allow. Because I was working two. We went from that to having a baby posted. I love it. And instead of just flying for free down to Texas to see my in laws, we would have to buy a ticket. Has all the flights were oversold. They just changed the dynamic of the industry. It was really stressful. And ah, then the furloughs came and stop me if you have questions, so
spk_0: 4:10
did the furloughs come after 9 11?
spk_1: 4:12
Yeah, because, Well, what happened? You know that the airline the industry struggles and I'm trying to nutshell it for you. So he, um we moved from eastern North Carolina to around the Charlotte area, and he got on with a smaller, bigger charter company at the time. He was based out of Chicago midway to commuted from Charlotte to Chicago. There. And when you start over with an airline, you start completely over with your salary. Absolutely. Yeah. So we were making. He was not pulling in a whole lot because he had to build up seniority. And as you got up seniority than you get your salary increased and all that stuff. We also had one child who was you in speech therapy and occupational therapy. And that took a lot of our time and our money because insurance would pay for all of that. And had I gone back to work what I do for a living which was in middle health and developmental disabilities, it would not have made We wouldn't have come out ahead. We would just be paying for child care. So I was at home with two little ones and he was gone a lot. Sitting reserve those. It was for tough days. Those were lane days, you know? But he, uh when I say furlough, what happened? The charter company that he was with at the time because of 9 11 went under. And so he was furloughed and was unemployed for a while and then got on with Yet another company had to start over again. Junior on, Move his way back up. And then the company that he now flies for bought the company that he was working for. Unfortunately, those the pilot to pilot groups emerged, so he didn't lose salary there, and he didn't lose a whole lot of seniority. So that's helped. So now the weight is off and those were lean and tough years. But it's It's good now.
spk_0: 5:56
So what is the biggest misconception or what is the question? What we can do about it? What's the biggest misconception about being a pilot's
spk_1: 6:05
being a pilot or being a pilot wife? Both of okay, probably that you make a lot of money easily, um, and that you can fly for free anywhere, anytime and that. It's that it's, you know, easy to do. Um, and it's not It's not. So those air, you know, the two questions I Aye, or I've had comments to me. Well, your husband's a pilot, so you can afford a B and C that that's not always the case. I can have to bite my tongue were politely explained that that's not the case. And then people think we must travel all the time. Well, no. I have two kids in school. And even if not eso often flights are still there. Oversold. So getting on flight can be kind of difficult, especially for force. We want to take all four of us,
spk_0: 6:55
right? I can imagine just one of you. It might be a different story. Are you able to fly without pee? Yeah. Yeah, Can. So, like, if you decided I need to goto. I don't know. Aruba. It escaped. Escaped the crazy.
spk_1: 7:08
Yeah, yeah. No, I could, I could, But right now, it's just not feasible. Just with the kids. I've got a senior in high school who were trying to launch and a freshman in high school. So Aruba's out for right now?
spk_0: 7:21
Yeah, I think. Well, that plus, you know, a myriad of other reasons that Yeah, exactly. I know you are in a couple of private Facebook groups of other pilots spouses, and in the past, you've just kind of shared some of the I won't say crazy, but what's for lack of a better word? Some of the crazy comments and frustrations that especially it sounds like it's the younger, newer spouses or why,
spk_1: 7:47
right? I would think, Yeah, I think it is. Um, yeah, one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves. And I think this goes with any marriage, whether it's, uh, no matter what industry. But the thing that I really loathe to hear is I didn't sign up for this. I didn't know that he was going to be gone this long. I didn't know that I was gonna be stuck with the kids for weeks on end when he's sitting reserve in another city. And that that that drives me crazy because that that's obviously boils down to relationship issue. Absolutely. But when you say I didn't sign up for this yeah, you did. You did. And, uh, so and that's something that I knew what I was signing up for hasn't always been easy. Oh, no, but I saw it. That's what I signed up to do,
spk_0: 8:32
right? You knew. Go within.
spk_1: 8:34
I knew going in. And, uh,
spk_0: 8:36
that's almost the equivalent of ah, a military spouse. you know they get when they get deployed and saying, What do you mean? You're gonna be gone for six months of the time? So at least as a pilot's wife, you've got it better than that, because usually it's just a couple of days a week. Let's talk a little bit about your day to day life because I'm sure those are some challenges with the entire. But, you know, again, it's it's just adapting the schedule. But what's a typical week look like for you guys? A typical
spk_1: 9:04
week for us In his particular companies schedule, he is gone for three days, home for four in those three days are typically played. His schedule is done by month, so we know about a month ahead in advance. What is what his schedule is gonna look like. So, for instance, less I can't remember. Say he's gone.
spk_0: 9:25
Jason Days have no meaning anymore, right? I'm telling
spk_1: 9:29
you so say he's gone Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then he's home Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, but one of those days, maybe a commuting day for him because we don't live in base. He is based in Baltimore, so he will fly from a close to airport and report in Baltimore and start his trip from there. So he's either he may be gone on that instead of home for it. He just depends, But so with that being said, we do get into kind of a routine. But I think for me I call him transition days. The days that he leaves in the days that he comes home can be gone a difficult because especially when the kids were smaller, you know, we would get into our daily routine, say, by Day two we're clicking along. We're doing our daily routine, and on day three or four, when Daddy comes home, that all gets kind of jumbled up again and he's ready for you. No time with the family, and I'm ready to be, like to challenge, you know, or whatever. And so you
spk_0: 10:34
have to
spk_1: 10:34
kind of step lightly and be respectful of each other and each other's needs.
spk_0: 10:38
And just like any other relationship. That's why communication is key, and especially when you've got a dynamic like that again going back to the military comparison, it's agreed. It's a much longer period of time. However, by the same token, is to say you are doing the day to day family, right? If you're doing the grocery shopping and the running the kids to the sports into this and that and they're almost like adding a new person into the routine. And yet and it kind of like you said it upsets the apple cart a little bit,
spk_1: 11:12
I can I would bear with me here when I say sometimes it feels like even the military wives. As far scheduling goes, almost have it a little better then a commercial airline pilot wife, because when you were deployed for six months at a time, you often relying from what I understand you often you have this village brought, you know, everybody is in the same boat. Everybody, you know, they're very empathetic to what you're going through. And especially when you don't live on base with commercial airlines, People don't always understand how your how you work or how you're you know, it's it's hard to ask people around for help when they don't really understand the dynamic that you rely heavily on your village on DSO, it takes a while to get used to be able to ask for help, especially somebody like Mays. Hardheaded. Just want. I just want to do it all. I don't you know, I don't want to bother anybody I don't wanna with. I think with military families there's there's an understanding there, whereas with ah, commercial aviation, maybe not so much. So
spk_0: 12:17
what are some of the highlights of it, though? What are some of the what other than like being ableto conceivably go wherever you want? Thio. I have to imagine it's also pretty close knit community. Interestingly
spk_1: 12:28
enough, it is, I think, a lot well for a lot of people who live in base, Uh, particularly with the company that he flies for. They have a very strong culture that they share, and there are always events, activities happening to bring to bring those families together. And with us not living in base, we don't get to experience a lot of that. We if we we we are more than welcome to go to one of those bases and participate whatever. But we just haven't. So our experience is a little bit different. But I will say that from what I read online, it does look like there is. There is a good time to be had when they when they do that. So I would say that is one of the highlights. And then for us, it's just it's just something outside the norm. We're not cookie cutter kind of people. I don't know what that what I'm trying to say when I say that, um, we're not let its polls. We're not No, we're not typical.
spk_0: 13:28
There you go.
spk_1: 13:28
Even that Yeah, So it's
spk_0: 13:31
just It's not the 8 to 5. Of course, that's something
spk_1: 13:34
that I can say I So when he was furloughed for about six months, he actually went back to the small island hopping charter company in Florida. One summer and I went down to Florida with the boys. They were four and two at the time, and we lived in Florida for two weeks. And so we got to experience the 8 to 5 life with two little ones. And I can tell you I am so thankful that we don't live that life. It was stressful. It was really stressful because you I can't imagine. Like I talked about the transition days. Yeah, we have a transition day, and then it's over and we get into our routine foray to fight off age of five people you've got. He comes home at five or six o'clock. You're trying to get dinner on the table, kids or cranky all the things, and it's just Oh, and by the time everything happens and the kids to bed, you're exhausted. You there's there's not a lot of time for the relationship because you're just like your done. And so I think that's one of the things that I've always appreciated about. His job is that we were not 8 to 5 people,
spk_0: 14:46
right? Right, So the big C in the room Cove it 19. How has that impacted his life? And of course, by product, your lives Because you know, there's a huge mummy and he's putting himself at risk for for the people that are flying, which we had a little bit of discussion about this last time. We were, you know, a couple of weeks ago when we were on zoom tail zooming confidence, Um, talk a little bit about that. What's what's he saying that he's seeing? And what kind of precautions are the airlines putting in right now?
spk_1: 15:22
So fortunately, I will say that he has the month of April, this current month off, and he was still flying. He flew for about three weeks after two or three weeks after things really started to ramp up with coded. He was still flying after quarantine placements were made and all that stuff. And from what I understand, they take extra precautions and and the flight deck and they wipe everything down in between Cruz in between flights. There's a whole different protocol for cleaning the back of the plane, the seats and then do all of that. But he said that in the airport, it's like a ghost town. There's nobody. In fact, he the last time he reported for work, he was walking down the terminal. There was nobody in terminal. He went into the bathroom to put on his tie and epi, Let's and three only person of the only other person in the bathroom was the pilot, the captain, that he was lying so that there was nobody there
spk_0: 16:24
who are all these flights right now. Well, you know, we he did say
spk_1: 16:28
toward that. Um, he remember him saying there were like, six people going from New York to the Florida and they're just everyday people. And this was This was a couple of weeks ago and he didn't understand. And they were just people still traveling, not, I don't know, you know, they could have loved ones in one place or the other that they were trying to get to. I don't where they were stuck one I don't know. But at this point, he said that right before he started vacation, he said they were just moving cruise around that there were really no paying passengers. There's one picture that I shared on Instagram, and I don't know if you saw it and I could share it with you, but I thought it was really powerful. One of the, um, flight attendants took a picture of
spk_0: 17:09
Oh, I think I did see that.
spk_1: 17:11
Yeah, there was one passenger on there and it was Dr going wherever their destination waas to go to a 1 to 1 of the hot spots to help to help out. That's the only paying passenger on the plane.
spk_0: 17:23
I wonder Austin Roe, and he may not know this is this is more just a random question, but I wonder if actual normal citizens of the United States are actually even able to make an airline reservation right now, I want our wonder if the airlines a run a point where they're like No,
spk_1: 17:40
you know, I don't know, because I'm still getting I get emails from another carrier for deals, so I'm sure you can. I don't think that there have been any limitations placed. Now they let they do limit where they're flying too. I have done that. They have removed friends
spk_0: 17:57
like New York City. You're not getting into New York City right
spk_1: 17:59
now, right? Yeah. So they have You can still fly, but, um, you can still quiet. Just that particular destination might not be available right now
spk_0: 18:09
on a little bit more fun notes. As we start winding down our fabulous little conversation, this is a conversation that we've had over beers, the three of us, I say, Oh, no, I I am their favorite third wheel. I'm proud to be the third wheel. You're my favorite merry couple to go hang out with you. So one of the conversations is, you know, being the single person that I am that we've had fun in the past is the reputation of pilots. Okay, so not what? Not what? Not not CED. Well, of obviously not not our favorite pilot is included in this. But just the fact that pilots tend to be labeled as man
spk_1: 18:59
Horse. Okay, we're going there.
spk_0: 19:02
Okay. Where did you think I was going?
spk_1: 19:05
No. Um, yeah. A lot of people, they do tend to have that top gun. They think of that top gun mentality. The you know, Mr Joe Cool very into himself. And, yeah, they're out. There they are. There are. I've heard since tour. I've heard some stories from my husband. First of all, I think it takes a very different obviously. It takes a very different kind of person to be a pilot. It's just it's a very different lifestyle. And I think with technology the way it is today, you're not gonna find a girl in every port kind of scenario. Like he used to. Uh, because thanks to texting, I mean, I can tell you texting has kept our marriage intact because you're able to have a conversation, you know, much more easily than waiting till he gets to the hotel. But
spk_0: 19:55
they're still
spk_1: 19:55
there. Still those guys and girls out there that are, you know they'll take advantage of the situation, and it's that's really unfortunate. But then you've also got there. Are they? It was called AIDS, um, aviation induced divorce syndrome, which, um, I
spk_0: 20:13
don't think
spk_1: 20:13
you hear about it so much anymore. Or at least Peyton hasn't talked about it that much. But it happens and, um, but I think, for the most part, mostly what I hear. There are second marriages, their third marriages that he's heard about, Um, but it's not as swinging seventies as it used to be.
spk_0: 20:33
Okay, well, that's good. They definitely do. Not that I'm actively on any dating APS on Haven't been for a while, but they definitely pop up. I mean, you can l Oh, sure. I mean, it's just end. There's something about the wordings that they use, and it's just it's kind of funny, and then you look and see where they are, and nine times out of 10. It's either one hub or the other hub and asked us, and
spk_1: 21:00
they're very proud of. Those types are very proud of their uniforms to know, though they will not shy away from posing with their family and their uniform or posing with remember in their uniform. My husband is very soon as he gets in the car, he takes its opulence and tie off e. And then that's when I call in my my security guard like a cause when it's just the pilot shirt and the polyester pants. It's just like, Dude, you know, you could be the security guard at the local ABC store. Yeah, those guys tend to date, though. They'll sport their uniform proudly. And just coming off there just a little bit. No, thank you.
spk_0: 21:38
Problem like a peacock. Proud, like a peacock.
spk_1: 21:40
I'll take my security guard any day,
spk_0: 21:43
any day. So what else? What else can you tell us about being the wife of a pilot's?
spk_1: 21:50
Um, the last thing Love one of the things, too. It took me a while. To get used to is just doing things so low, like social things, not just being being comfortable with being on my own and not worrying about you because you say you go to a social event more so when you're younger to get a social event and, well, she's married. But her husband not home. And she's talking to that guy. Well, that guy's her dentist or what? You know, it's
spk_0: 22:15
the brother you just
spk_1: 22:16
have to be. You just have to be comfortable with who you are and not and not worry about what other people are going to assume. Because that's their problem. Not yours. Absolutely. And yeah, just because the husband isn't hungry,
spk_0: 22:28
call us. We're looking to do stuff
spk_1: 22:29
I promised you that we don't. We
spk_0: 22:31
don't have
spk_1: 22:31
to wait for our husband. Beer date weaken.
spk_0: 22:35
I know you're really good with being my spontaneous. Let's go grab a beer. And I mean, may I? Yes,
spk_1: 22:45
I know. I know. There have been many times from, like, hey, help! You
spk_0: 22:50
know, Kristen, do it. Nobody can call anyone I know and he know zoom
spk_1: 22:55
in the novelty. It's It's cute, but after a while, it's just getting credit. No, don't get the Yeah, so we'll get there. We could get back there.
spk_0: 23:03
Hopefully sooner rather than later. So right. Yeah. Stacy, the wife of a pilot. Thank you for sharing your insight with everyone. Thank you
spk_1: 23:14
for having me. And so I'm listening to me. Ramble on. I'm happy to be here
spk_0: 23:18
anytime. And that, my friends, is a wrap on this week's show. Thanks so much for listening. You can get all of the episodes at conversations on the rocks dot com. You can also follow me on Twitter, and that's at Kristen Dhaka's k R i S t E N d a Youth K A s until next week. Keep it riel and let's hear what your story is.